I am a perfectionist. At the beginning of Sophomore year, whenever I had to write something for English class, I found myself sitting at my laptop, staring at the ceiling, desperately trying to think of the perfect idea before I even started writing. I assumed that this was the right approach until I realized that none of those projects were turning out too well. So while I've learned plenty of new, important things in English; about grammar, sentence structure, Shakespeare, Virginia Woolf, etc...the most important thing that I've personally learned is that, no matter how hard I try, I can't think like a perfectionist when I'm writing. I can't obsess over each and every line as I write it, because I'll end up getting nothing done. I know that to write my best work, I need to relax, and let my ideas flow freely. Eventually, I'll be able to go back and fix everything and make it better. But I can't expect my rough draft of anything to be perfect.
It was difficult for me to grasp this concept, especially while working on blogs. Just like this one. Whenever a blog was assigned, I would panic. With such a huge number of things that I could potentially write about for each prompt, I would spend an hour sitting, banging my head on my desk, just trying to think of "the right topic". Little did I know that "the right topic" would appear as soon as I started writing. All I needed to do was let my mind explore different topics and experiment freely with different words and phrases. After that, the blog came much more naturally. Throughout this first semester, I've gotten significantly better at releasing all of my ideas and refining them later, without worrying about how bad it sounds. Blogs have become a method of expressing my ideas instead of a reason to freak out.
Another instance where it was clear that my perfectionism was counterproductive was when we started writing our poems. As opposed to using the poem to deeply express a moment in my life, I stuck to the surface. The first draft of my poem was extremely safe, as a means of making sure I didn't sound stupid. But this is exactly the opposite of what a poem should accomplish. A poem should delve into your mind and explore lingering instances in your life. But I felt like I couldn't let myself sound foolish or dumb. Eventually, I saw how detrimental this frame of mind was. Once I realized that I just needed to relax and write, my poem flourished, and I am proud of my most recent draft (because, of course, a poem is never really finished). Not worrying about being perfect allowed me to make mistakes and take risks, which paved the way for a much better poem.
But working on this poem also pointed out what I need to work on in order to improve my learning: Letting go. When I think that something I write sounds good, it's hard for me to let go of it. But I can't hold onto everything I write in the first few drafts, no matter how attached I am to it. For my later work to get better, I have to let go of some of what I originally wrote. Although it may seem essential for my piece of work at the time, being open to letting go of earlier parts of the piece allows for even better revisions to take their place later. That concept is still difficult for me to apply to my writing, but I will definitely work on it during the second semester. Hopefully it will allow me to become a better writer, and it'll help me in other classes and fields of learning as well.
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ReplyDeleteHi Hannah!
ReplyDeleteI want to start by congratulating you on identifying and overcoming an issue that I face as well; we all feel the need to find “the perfect idea.” Just like you, I had a very hard time writing my poem with this mindset so engrained in my writing process. I believed that every single word that I wrote in my poem needed to be absolutely brilliant, and that as little revision as possible was ideal. It was not until I learned to “let go” of my worn-out language that my poem achieved its full potential.
You also identified that you often spent hours upon hours trying to think of the one idea that will slingshot you straight to a glorious paper, and in doing so you were actually limiting your writing and brainpower. I also had this problem in writing my "Orlando" essay during the first quarter. Rather than exploring the text, reaching deep into my mind for insight, and abandoning my perfectionism, I proceeded to force ideas out, make inconclusive arguments, and basically write about a bunch of bologna (which is delicious by the way). If I had been insightful like you and made efforts to let go of my writing fears, I definitely would have turned in a more thorough and interesting paper.
Thanks again for addressing this issue; I too am taking steps to crush my perfectionism!
Hannah! :
ReplyDeleteI’m glad I’m not the only one who had to deal with managing her perfectionism this semester. Just like you, I had a lot of trouble (especially at the beginning of the year) with writing assignments because I was afraid to type a single word that wasn’t immediately and exactly what I wanted to say. I would start to edit my own work before it had even left my brain, and what I was left with was a fragmented, disjointed, and badly-written assignment, which only continued to agitate the perfectionist side of me. It was a frustrating and exhausting way to go about writing.
It took me a while to reach the same realization you did: that I needed to put all of my thoughts out there before I even started to think about picking out the perfect words and phrases. Writing first and refining later did not come easily at all, but when I finally reached a point where I could do this my writing improved dramatically, as did my outlook on writing. I’ve found that this strategy is highly applicable to subjects besides English as well; starting a math problem is much easier for me if I’m not immediately afraid to take a chance and experiment a little with the equations. Since I’m not afraid of temporary imperfection, I can allow myself to investigate ideas and explore possibilities a little more in my work; and it’s a very free feeling. I’m glad we were both able to reach this point this year!